Negativity

You know, there are so many things that I have been thinking about for the past couple months; my friendships, my relationship status with my family members, the work that I am doing, health, etc. And it can be overwhelming, sometimes, to think about how much I have to work with and how much I have to balance out.

But for some reason, though, I have fallen into the habit of thinking of the negative side of things rather than the positive, and just recently, I have finally said to myself; "I am so sick of seeing of the negative side of things! How did I get into this? Cause it is really bringing me down!"

Yes, there are things that cause me a ton of stress and anger, but how did I get out of my habit of looking at the bright side of things?

A couple years ago at school, I really got into the whole positive-energy, look at the bright side thing. But I was extraordinarily immoderate with it and I drove my friends crazy. Then graduating and going back home, I calmed down and started to balance out. But then for some reason, I have been falling into looking at the negatives a bit more than the positives.

I am just intrigued about the fact that it has taken me this long to truly come to the realization, that I need to change my thinking. Because I could have said "be positive" to myself many times over the past years, but it didn't wouldn't sink in. Yet now I say it to myself and it really resonates. It just show me that I need to let myself experience things in the moment and not have artificial ideas clog my mind, and that I need to let myself think organically.

It also shows me that I need to be in-tuned with how I am feeling and to bring myself to a solution to improve my living experience. Simply apologizing or praying for improvement doesn't really help if I don't know what the cause of the problem is. I have been very honest with myself for many months and have brought myself to account with my deeds, but I guess I need to look past the daily struggles and dive deep into the source of the problem.

Being negative brings me down. I feel... something (can't describe it) when I am negative, and I don't want it anymore. I am living a great life, doing what I need to do, discovering and growing the way I need to, STOP COMPLAINING IAN! LOL.

Love to all
Ian

Hey!

Haven't posted in so long! SORRY!

I am doing so well here! I am learning from my tests, growing and advancing in the direction that I need, and really striving to stick to the better way of living that I have identified for my self!

My mom is visiting soon! I am really happy that she's coming! We need some mother and son bonding time, and what better place to do so? She comes in April and will be here for a little over a week.

Some things that I miss most about home:
In and Out Burger (I'm SUPER Californian)
My fam-jam
Driving
Hanging out with my sister
Being with my old community friends
Not having to do anything in the day (sometime I miss this)

I am pretty excited to go home and fulfill all my missing's. Don't get me wrong, I love being where I am and I am so thankful and happy for all that I am learning, but I can't wait to go home and be with my family. The family unit expanded three weeks before I left, not much bonding time right?


Unfortunately, I have to take down ALL the posts prior to this one. Due to some personal issues, they will be TEMPORARILY unavailable.


Until next!
Ian

Yep, 6 Month Mark.

Yep, its been 6 months already. My half-way mark. My countdown.

It’s pretty crazy to believe that I am 6 months in already, it seems like a month ago when I just arrived.

I have learned so much here. The importance of my self confidence and the effects i can have on the world, the lesson of love and to appreciate other peoples value, and the ability to not be so harsh on myself, and to allow myself the chance to grow and trust that all will be fine if I try to aim for the better.

I really have grown a stronger connection between me and the Faith. I definitely have more trust than before! I am so thankful.

All I know now is that now is the time to really think about what I want to do when I go home, my future career, etc.

All is well.

Ian

PS. My mother is visiting me in April! I am excited to see her!