Negativity

You know, there are so many things that I have been thinking about for the past couple months; my friendships, my relationship status with my family members, the work that I am doing, health, etc. And it can be overwhelming, sometimes, to think about how much I have to work with and how much I have to balance out.

But for some reason, though, I have fallen into the habit of thinking of the negative side of things rather than the positive, and just recently, I have finally said to myself; "I am so sick of seeing of the negative side of things! How did I get into this? Cause it is really bringing me down!"

Yes, there are things that cause me a ton of stress and anger, but how did I get out of my habit of looking at the bright side of things?

A couple years ago at school, I really got into the whole positive-energy, look at the bright side thing. But I was extraordinarily immoderate with it and I drove my friends crazy. Then graduating and going back home, I calmed down and started to balance out. But then for some reason, I have been falling into looking at the negatives a bit more than the positives.

I am just intrigued about the fact that it has taken me this long to truly come to the realization, that I need to change my thinking. Because I could have said "be positive" to myself many times over the past years, but it didn't wouldn't sink in. Yet now I say it to myself and it really resonates. It just show me that I need to let myself experience things in the moment and not have artificial ideas clog my mind, and that I need to let myself think organically.

It also shows me that I need to be in-tuned with how I am feeling and to bring myself to a solution to improve my living experience. Simply apologizing or praying for improvement doesn't really help if I don't know what the cause of the problem is. I have been very honest with myself for many months and have brought myself to account with my deeds, but I guess I need to look past the daily struggles and dive deep into the source of the problem.

Being negative brings me down. I feel... something (can't describe it) when I am negative, and I don't want it anymore. I am living a great life, doing what I need to do, discovering and growing the way I need to, STOP COMPLAINING IAN! LOL.

Love to all
Ian

Hey!

Haven't posted in so long! SORRY!

I am doing so well here! I am learning from my tests, growing and advancing in the direction that I need, and really striving to stick to the better way of living that I have identified for my self!

My mom is visiting soon! I am really happy that she's coming! We need some mother and son bonding time, and what better place to do so? She comes in April and will be here for a little over a week.

Some things that I miss most about home:
In and Out Burger (I'm SUPER Californian)
My fam-jam
Driving
Hanging out with my sister
Being with my old community friends
Not having to do anything in the day (sometime I miss this)

I am pretty excited to go home and fulfill all my missing's. Don't get me wrong, I love being where I am and I am so thankful and happy for all that I am learning, but I can't wait to go home and be with my family. The family unit expanded three weeks before I left, not much bonding time right?


Unfortunately, I have to take down ALL the posts prior to this one. Due to some personal issues, they will be TEMPORARILY unavailable.


Until next!
Ian